Last summer, I worked at Tennessee district summer camp for a couple of weeks. On the last night of the senior high camp, the students were challenged to write on a rock the things that they felt were holding them back from following Christ wholly. I prayed and reflected for a while, and then I wrote a simple phrase: "I don't trust you." You meaning God. You meaning Eric. You meaning my family. You meaning friends, acquaintances...myself.
And then I threw it in the river. I couldn't find it to pick it up again if I tried. That was the point: we were letting go and never turning back. I sat by the river and listened. "Just trust me."
A few months later, I left class early one night, crying. After weeks of feeling like I wasn't cut out to teach--well, to teach the way public school special educators are required to teach--after feeling like I had made a mistake, like I was going to be miserable in my career, like I wasn't really going to make a difference...after all of that, I broke. I sat down outside of the library and told Eric that I just can't do this.
And so I no longer knew my life's track. "Just trust me" was becoming real.
I had to disappoint the School of Education, my family, my former teachers (and I hate disappointing people).
In the spring, I sent my resume to ten different places for a job I wasn't even sure I would be able to do well. As a Resident Director, I would have loved the relationships built but hated the discipline side. And Eric couldn't thrive in a world like that. but it was something, right? And I knew that a door would open through one of the letters I sent...surely someone would see me.
And I didn't hear back from anyone at all for a really long time. **Just trust me**
One morning in March, Heather Bryant called me early in the morning and wanted to talk to me as soon as possible. Eric and I had lunch with her, and she asked if she could read us an email. A pastor whom she went to seminary with had contacted her and asked if she knew any graduating seniors that might fit this bill:
1. a religion major that happens to love technology and could recreate the church's website, sound system, etc. and also direct a new discipleship program.
2. an education major who is drawn to full-time ministry and could take a role in reforming the church's childcare into a mission of the church...someone who is people-friendly and well organized.
HE ASKED FOR US.
The months to follow brought meetings and emails and talk of salary and benefits and possibilities. He drove to Nashville to meet us. We drove to Saint Petersburg and we met the board and staff.
And in less than two weeks, PASTOR ERIC and I will be moving the few things we own into our new home: 4440 56th Street North, Kenneth City, Florida.
and "Just trust me" became so real...
If I had known when I threw that rock...I may have held it tighter.
Thank God for bends in the road.